Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Eh

Haven't blogged in forever. I feel like I start off every single entry with that same phrase. Well I'm going to try and fix that.

Anyway so here I am at 5am blogging and not doing the homework I stayed up to do. Really not the way it should be, but lately I have been living life the way I would live if I knew I only had one life to live (not a soap opera reference). Sounds weird but it's so true. I'm living each day as I want to do. I am working hard on the things that are important to me, my relationships, my organizations, and my thoughts. Other things that, right now don't feel important, like school are getting slighted. It's really strange because I go through such fluctuations with school. I'll go through a semester where I love it and then hit a semester where I hate it. However right now I am in a place where I really don't want to be trapped in a mediocre life. I am in a major that is going to push me into a career that looks an awful lot like a desk job with perks. Some of those perks being a decent salary, nice benefits, job security, and cool toys, but seriously desk jockeying is NOT my calling and I will die slowly everyday I sit in that shirt and tie at that desk. I need to be out changing the world. That is what I want to do. That is what I am meant to do. I don't know how or when, or even why but I know just as sure as I am sitting here that that is my purpose.

So two years from now I will be a graduate of The Pennsylvania State University and then what? Who knows? Kinda scary but whatever I am also not a planner so what the hell we'll see what happens.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Random Poetry

I've never been good at starting or finishing
I don't pull you in quickly or let you down softly

I just open my mouth and begin

I give you what's there
It's literally right here just inches under my skin
You can't see it, but you can feel it, or at least I can

You see my emotions don't get much exposure
So give them an inch and they take a mile
They just don't understand how hard it is for me not to smile
Yes, not to smile
Because smiling is who I am
Happiness is how you know me
So if I'm unhappy who am I?

Seriously who am I?
Am I still Avery when I'm sad?
Would you still love me when I'm mad?
Am I cool when I'm uncertain?
Still smooth when I scarred?

I didn't think so

You see you fell in love with the me I showed you
The real me has few friends and no acquaintances
He is trapped and he is lonely

I feel him dying slowly.