Ignorance is bliss. I think I actually really believe this statement however only in the case of complete ignorance from your own ignorance, i.e. you can't know that you're missing out. I say that because being someone who thinks a lot I often come to places where I'm stuck. Problems I want to solve, questions I want to answer but no matter how hard I try I get nowhere.
Ever since I was a kid I can remember wanting to be a superhero and save the world. I wanted to fix all the world's problems with my super powers. Although as I got older I realized that there are no superheroes, only normal people. The saddening part is that all the super problems are still there, there just isn't anyone with superhuman abilities to solve the world's crises. The thing is the issues still need to be solved and a lot of times I want to take the weight of the world on my own shoulders and move to save it.
I had a bit of a breakdown the other night. I was up watching TV and a Feed the Children commercial came on. We all know what they look like. I saw the commercial and for some reason it was like I was seeing it for the first time. I sat there watching and listening and thinking to myself somebody's got to do something about all of this. By do something I mean more than send a dollar a day and by somebody I mean me. I sat there and thought well what should I do? What could I do? What would help the most? Where do I start? The more I thought the more I realized what am I doing? Nothing I do will ever make a difference to a system that's been in place for centuries. I hit the wall and my will is broken. I want to help, I sincerely do but I don't know what to do.
This happens to me maybe 3 or 4 times a month. I see something that inspires me. Something that tears at my heart and I jolt into action. However I soon come to the realization that my dream of saving the world is much more fictional than Superman's laser vision. In all honesty this is the kind of stuff that gets to me. You won't find me getting upset about very many things, but when I hit these walls I get pretty low down depressed. Not that serious depression but like I get to where I'm thinking you know what's the point of trying to fix things, if they'll never be right. So awhile ago I started reading biographies. Mainly biographies of great black men in history. Surely they faced insurmountable odds to change the world, so I'm sure there is much to learn in their struggle. Reading about the likes of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King I see how they often found themselves in situations eerily similar to where I am now. The world isn't meant to be changed,it is like it is and it wants to remain that way. So when change comes along it inevitably meets heavy resistance, but what made all these men great was the fact that they felt the resistance and yet pushed through to the other side.
My resistance is unique though. You see my resistance nine times out of ten is in my own head. I defeat myself. I just don't see myself as some leader to fix the planet. I am merely a thinker that happens to have a mind to act. I am not one to stand and motivate the people or organize a movement across the world, I am just someone who wants to see things be better than they are now. I want to change the mentality of the youth today. I want them to want to succeed in the world today I want them to believe in themselves and not rely on the outside reinforcement which may or may not ever come. I want to save all the animals that are abused and neglected. I want to fix global warming. I want to destroy racism. I want to end world hunger and start world peace. I want to save the music. I want to increase the number of culturally responsible black engineers. I want to cure pediatric cancer. I want to motivate young fathers to stick around, and encourage young mothers to keep the child. I want inner city youth to know that being smart is cool. I want to make it so that no matter who you are when you are sick you are treated.
I want a lot of things. Like I said I want to save the world. Like I said before, there are no supermen or superwomen, just normal men and women with a mind to move. I think I might be one of them but who's to say? I don't know and that's the most frustrating part of it all. I could be psyching myself up for a life full of failed attempts, or I could actually make a difference in the world. There's really no way to know ahead of time. Even if I decide to try, where do I start? I think I know.
On my knees at the altar.