Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Ok I don't know why I am awake right now. I probably should be sleeping but I can't so I want to write something about a thought that came to mind the other day.

For as long as I can remember I have been an outcast. I was always too nerdy, dorky, ugly whatever take your pick. I kind of grew up an outcast even from my family. I mean not to say that they didn't love me, but they couldn't really relate to me because I was nothing like them. So I grew up with this stigma that something was wrong with me. I wasn't terribly self-conscious but I definitely had an overwhelming feeling that I was weird. Funny thing is I still feel like that a lot even now that I'm older, but the difference is I look at it in a completely different light.

You see when I was younger being weird meant I was excluded and not cool enough to be a part of certain cliques, but see now being weird means I exclude myself from most of those same cliques. I really don't know how to explain this whole thing because in elementary and middle school I wanted nothing more than to be "cool" but I never was. Now however I am damn cool and I haven't changed at all. It's strange because the same reasons why I was teased and picked on in middle school are the same reasons why people love me now. I'm my own person and I guess years of exclusion taught me how to genuinely not give half a damn. Now people compliment me on being individual and all that and I smile modestly, because while I appreciate the comment I still don't much care whether they approve or not, which is the whole point. Now I embrace my weirdness when at one point I would have done anything to be rid of it. My weirdness is who I am and I wouldn't change it if I could.

I feel like this blog is lacking a legitimate purpose. I guess what I am trying to say is be you. As cliched as it may sound really really be true to yourself. It's the best thing you'll ever do. You'll never fear rejection and you'll never have to lie because you're doing your own thing. Plus it makes you cooler then all the fake people.

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