Family

Family. They can build you up or tear you down if you let them. So for some reason I'm awake at 4AM so I figure I might as well do something constructive. Ok so it's holiday time which means seeing all the family which is always a good time...for the most part. Before I really get into this I need to explain my family dynamic, how it works, or else nothing will make sense.

Ok, so my mom and dad have been married for a long time. So long I'm not exactly sure. I'll be twenty in a few months so probably like 22 or 23 years. They have two kids my younger brother and myself. Ok so my parents are as close to polar opposites as is possible. They love each other dearly but I mean it when I say that they truly are POLAR opposites. My mother is writing her dissertation and my father has a high school diploma. My father used to run the streets of West Philly, my mom was very sheltered. Both grew up in Christian households but took very different paths. That being said each respective side of my family accurately reflects its representative in my immediate family.

For example, my mother's side of the family is the side that tends to stress education. Particularly my mother's father's side. On this side of my family forward thinking seems to be the way. Quite a few college grads on this end, not to say that college is how I measure worth but I am just using it as a quantitative tool to help compare. My aunts, uncles, and cousins on this end seem to be more straight shooters. They do things the "right" way. Just a rule of thumb, not true in every circumstance, just saying.

Now my father's side. On this side no college grads as far as the eye can see. This end of my family is still very successful but not necessarily the way you may want. They all have the means to support themselves but I feel sometimes there is animosity from this side of my family towards my brother, mother and I.

So with that being said I have a bit of a rant I am about to go on. As I said before my mother's side of the family is very supportive of me. They always ask about school and generally encourage me to do my best and stay on the straight and narrow. However my dad's side, well at times they straight up piss me off. Again I feel I must say it they love me and I love them but their mindset is so grossly different from mine that they often times grind my last nerve.

As you may or may not have already figured out, I'm a goody-two-shoes. Always have been. I've pretty much always tried to do things right based on the law, my religion, and my own morals. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I'm not out "fuckin bitches", etc. So usually when I'm around my father's side of the family they like to play games with me. I don't really know what it is but I feel like they are slightly intimidated by me. This of course is just a hunch. So now the story. I'm sitting in my own house watching TV when my uncle decides to pay us a holiday visit. Awesome, I haven't seen my cousins in a while. My uncle is my Dad's oldest brother and he has two kid's about 24 and 21 respectively. This particular is the type of person that is always bragging about one thing or another. It never really bothered me until I got old enough to catch some of his underhanded comments. So obviously his kids being older, they graduated years before I did. So he bragged about them in college and all that stuff until they were no longer in college. Neither of them graduated but that's not a big deal it's not for everyone. But now that I'm in college every time I'm around them I feel as though they are itching for me to end up back at home. I can feel it in their questions and the way they talk to me as if I'm some snooty adopted child. Another thing that really gets to me is the way they always are trying to get me to come to their side. Both of my cousins drink, even before they were 21, which again whatever I don't care it's not a big deal but it's like they feel guilty about it and they want nothing more than to hear that I go out and get drunk as if it validates them in some way. In a completely unrelated conversation my little brother said something about a crown and my uncle comes up to me and goes "Yea you know all about that crown...Crown Royal in the purple sleeve." And because he can't pass up an opportunity he goes into how State College was in his zone when he was a state trooper and he was on the liquor control board...la dee dah dee dee. He wants me so bad to nod and say "oh yea that's my shit!" But naw son, I don't drink. Never have I couldn't even tell you what it tastes like. It really irks my soul, because see I don't judge any of them for anything that they do. I simply don't care. But I get judged because I abstain from stuff. That's ass backwards. I don't want to come off as some hoity toity angel but to me it seems ridiculous. We're all Christian and we all want the best for each other right? Isn't that what family is? Right? So then why do I catch dirty looks and snickers when I tell you I DON'T drink and why am I in the wrong because I'm staying in college?

One more time I love my family, and I don't ever judge or brag about anything any of us do. I just want to know why I get all the shotty comments and shifty eyes and I'm the one that's trying to live the way they all want to. All I want is "yo dass wassup keep doing that college thing." That's it, I'm not saying sit down and talk derivatives and integrals, just let me know that you actually want me to succeed. Rant over.